the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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