SEEEEXXX PLEASE
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
