Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
