I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
