I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
