And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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