WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
