My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
