Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
