My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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