dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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