You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
