New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
