$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
