Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
