I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i think im in europe. pls send help
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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