he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
