I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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