I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
