Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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