That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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