I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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