i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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