well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
