are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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