No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
