You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
