so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
