my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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