I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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