Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize