Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
there is glitter all over my balls
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
