I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
