This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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