Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
