She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
