I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize