Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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