I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
