Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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