So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
