my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
