well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
