there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
