I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up under a house in Key West
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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