Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
