I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
