would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
