we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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