Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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