During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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