someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
