I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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