3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
