PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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