Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
