Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize