R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
