I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
