You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
how drunk are you?
Several
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
