We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
