There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
