I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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