ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
