Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
